You know that saying, "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Well, it better not be true because I've been in a wedding party six times now - three times as a bridesmaid and three times as a maid of honor. Which is wonderful, really, I'm very honored that so many value me that closely. And trust me, I am getting to know real well what I do and do not want at my own wedding when that happens. I'm not even going to say if...I'm going to say when that wedding happens.
My friend Diana got married today, to Harry McLean. So Diana is now Diana McLean, not Stefanita. And let me tell you - it was difficult for me to get used to the idea that Diana was going to get married, although of course I've been incredibly happy for her.
So, of all the wedding parties I've been in, this was the first time that the groom had me hold the ring throughout the ceremony and then hand it to the bride when it was time. And as we were going through the ceremony, especially with what the Bishop was saying, I really came to understand a little of the significance of the tradition. It wasn't just "holding" the ring as a "job." The Bishop was talking about marriage and how important it is to give our blessings to the marriage now that it has taken place, regardless of what our feelings were before of the union that was to happen. He was telling Diana's friends that our relationship with Diana now extends to Harry, and Harry's friends that their relationship with Harry now extends to Diana. As it was a small wedding and I was the only one able to attend to support Diana, the Bishop actually spoke directly to me when he was speaking of incorporating Harry into my relationship with Diana. Regardless of how many people could have been there it would have been just as true, but him saying my name I suppose made it sink in a little more for me. And as I was sitting there, with Harry's wedding ring on my thumb, hearing Harry give a little whoop for joy at him now being a part of my life, I realized how significant it was that I was holding Harry's ring for Diana for her to give to him. I felt, as I was holding the ring, that I had a little part of Harry with me. And I was giving my blessing to the union by giving it to her to give to him.
For myself, I really needed that transitory object to process the reality of this wedding for me. Although I've known for a while that they were going to get married - it never really worked in my head until I was able to come this weekend and see them together and to truly be a part of both of their lives. So now, I can say to Harry and Diana, and to the world, that I support their marriage and will do everything I can to bless the marriage, and support both of them in their endeavors to be with each other for the rest of their lives.
Congratulations Harry and Diana McLean. I love you.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Morning Surprise
You know you are stressed out when you wake up in the morning and for that blissful moment just when you wake up you feel at peace...
...and then two seconds later when you realize what day it is and what your life is right now and your body completely tenses up and you groan and whimper and nearly cry.
Someone else want my life right now?
...and then two seconds later when you realize what day it is and what your life is right now and your body completely tenses up and you groan and whimper and nearly cry.
Someone else want my life right now?
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I miss Jay
I cannot describe how much I miss Jay. I haven't posted in a while, but Jay Reed, a good friend of mine, passed away a few weeks ago. There are things going on my life right now, feelings that I am having, thoughts that I need to sort out - and he is the one I would go to with something like this. He is the one who listens to me - truly listens to me until I have said everything I want to say, he doesn't judge me for whatever ill might be in my thoughts. He allows me to vent, to cry, to completely avoid the subject with biting sarcasm (usually aimed at him, what a trooper), to whatever I need.
And he always seemed to be there. He was a constant in my life. Weeks could pass without talking, and if I called him or chatted with him on yahoo, I could still just up and vent about whatever was happening. With some of our friendships, if too long has passed between conversations, than we feel the need to "catch up" to give an overview of what has happened before we go into the here and now - and not so with Jay, he was just there to talk to and he was a completely loyal friend.
I'm completely rambling right now and I'm completely aware of that. I have tried so much to just sit down and try and put my thoughts into coherent sentences and it just is not working. I have tried writing to specific people, and although that has helped in some ways - I still feel like I'm bursting with things that I need, want to say. Unfortunately - it's Jay that I want to say them to.
I miss him terribly. I miss the realness of who he was and of our friendship. I have tried sitting down and writing a song - but the thing about it - our friendship wasn't all beauty and roses, and HE was not all beauty and roses. There were things about him that bothered me, there were things, obviously, that kept me from marrying him a few years ago - there were things that kept me from starting things up again, even though the thought has certainly crossed my mind over the last couple of years. And it feels somehow wrong to even say that - when really, how stupid is that? Sure, he's gone and we're not supposed to "speak ill of the dead" and all that - but he was who he was and I loved who he was; who he really was.
Now that I've posted this ramble, it probably will not be the first. For those that read my blog, yay, hear a ramble. Otherwise - to quote You've Got Mail: "Good night, dear void." (although technically, it's the morning and I'm off to work.....)
And he always seemed to be there. He was a constant in my life. Weeks could pass without talking, and if I called him or chatted with him on yahoo, I could still just up and vent about whatever was happening. With some of our friendships, if too long has passed between conversations, than we feel the need to "catch up" to give an overview of what has happened before we go into the here and now - and not so with Jay, he was just there to talk to and he was a completely loyal friend.
I'm completely rambling right now and I'm completely aware of that. I have tried so much to just sit down and try and put my thoughts into coherent sentences and it just is not working. I have tried writing to specific people, and although that has helped in some ways - I still feel like I'm bursting with things that I need, want to say. Unfortunately - it's Jay that I want to say them to.
I miss him terribly. I miss the realness of who he was and of our friendship. I have tried sitting down and writing a song - but the thing about it - our friendship wasn't all beauty and roses, and HE was not all beauty and roses. There were things about him that bothered me, there were things, obviously, that kept me from marrying him a few years ago - there were things that kept me from starting things up again, even though the thought has certainly crossed my mind over the last couple of years. And it feels somehow wrong to even say that - when really, how stupid is that? Sure, he's gone and we're not supposed to "speak ill of the dead" and all that - but he was who he was and I loved who he was; who he really was.
Now that I've posted this ramble, it probably will not be the first. For those that read my blog, yay, hear a ramble. Otherwise - to quote You've Got Mail: "Good night, dear void." (although technically, it's the morning and I'm off to work.....)
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I'm legal in Nevada now....
It has been a while since I've really posted - partly because I didn't really think anyone was reading them, so I felt like I was talking to the void. I might as well just write in my journal! But then I was informed that my ever so lovely sister Stephanie was reading them - so Stephanie, even if you are the only one reading these - I LOVE YOU! and I will continue to write nonsensical sagas of ramble.
Yesterday, I had another driving test - and this time I PASSED! Yay! To tell you the truth...I was worried. I spent the evening before practicing parallel parking, under the tutelage of my co-worker and friend Sharon, so I was feeling okay about that part. But I was still nervous - and I kept telling myself, goodness sakes, I know how to drive - it's fine. Sooo....
As the DMV often goes, you stand in line for twenty years, even when you have an appointment. It's like a conspiracy against the public - they have you wait twenty thousand years, just because that's just what happens, so of course you have to wait - so if you even want to deal with it, HAHA suckers, let's make life difficult for you! So you have to really want to do things to get them done - either that, or you are one of those law abiding citizens out there who do what they are supposed to do (shocking). And then, if you jump all those hoops to decide that, yes indeed, you want to be able to be driving legally...they make you wait forever and allow your nerves to fester and bubble inside of you, until you cannot possibly be in any positive state when you take the ridiculously strict test. Oh dear, you hit the curb while going 2 mph while parallel parking because you'd rather not hit the car in front of you; let's lose three points. Heaven forbid, that you go around the corner just a little too fast for the passenger's anxiety level and what if you were to not see a pedestrian? What would you do then? Let's lose four points there. And gasp, shock, you stopped at an intersection with your nose 1 inch over the crosswalk! No way! How could you? What if the person crossing the crosswalk can't possibly walk around you! I mean, the crosswalk just is not large enough, now is it? *obnoxious beep* LOSE TWO POINTS!
I suppose that if the examiner has to look for such nitpicky things to dock points on, then I really am a decent driver (provided I curb my speeding tendencies - which I have done successfully for quite some time now...). Yay, I have a Nevada driver's license! And at the same time, whoah...weird, I have a Nevada driver's license! It's sort of weird to have given up my Oregon License.
But you know...what makes it all worth it - is that my license picture actually turned well. How often does that happen? And I mean, it turned out really well...it's probably like the 2nd best picture I've ever had taken of me. So, yay for pretty pictures.
Yesterday, I had another driving test - and this time I PASSED! Yay! To tell you the truth...I was worried. I spent the evening before practicing parallel parking, under the tutelage of my co-worker and friend Sharon, so I was feeling okay about that part. But I was still nervous - and I kept telling myself, goodness sakes, I know how to drive - it's fine. Sooo....
As the DMV often goes, you stand in line for twenty years, even when you have an appointment. It's like a conspiracy against the public - they have you wait twenty thousand years, just because that's just what happens, so of course you have to wait - so if you even want to deal with it, HAHA suckers, let's make life difficult for you! So you have to really want to do things to get them done - either that, or you are one of those law abiding citizens out there who do what they are supposed to do (shocking). And then, if you jump all those hoops to decide that, yes indeed, you want to be able to be driving legally...they make you wait forever and allow your nerves to fester and bubble inside of you, until you cannot possibly be in any positive state when you take the ridiculously strict test. Oh dear, you hit the curb while going 2 mph while parallel parking because you'd rather not hit the car in front of you; let's lose three points. Heaven forbid, that you go around the corner just a little too fast for the passenger's anxiety level and what if you were to not see a pedestrian? What would you do then? Let's lose four points there. And gasp, shock, you stopped at an intersection with your nose 1 inch over the crosswalk! No way! How could you? What if the person crossing the crosswalk can't possibly walk around you! I mean, the crosswalk just is not large enough, now is it? *obnoxious beep* LOSE TWO POINTS!
I suppose that if the examiner has to look for such nitpicky things to dock points on, then I really am a decent driver (provided I curb my speeding tendencies - which I have done successfully for quite some time now...). Yay, I have a Nevada driver's license! And at the same time, whoah...weird, I have a Nevada driver's license! It's sort of weird to have given up my Oregon License.
But you know...what makes it all worth it - is that my license picture actually turned well. How often does that happen? And I mean, it turned out really well...it's probably like the 2nd best picture I've ever had taken of me. So, yay for pretty pictures.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Talk about a blow to self esteem...
If you read my driving saga when I came to Las Vegas you will know that I have to take a driver's test in Nevada because I have three moving violations in the last five years. Well, today my appointment finally came. And I was a little nervous, but I thought, "meh...I know how to drive...." and even if I don't pass, I can retain my Oregon license....right?
Well, yes, right. Good thing too. Otherwise I'd kinda be out of a license because
I FAILED!!! And I mean, I FAILED. Failed MISERABLY. It feels kinda great to say that actually...I don't often fail...but...
I FAILED!!!
The very first thing they had me do was parallel park. Talk about cruel! I stink at parallel parking. I'm quite aware that I stink at parallel parking. I will avoid parallel parking at all costs. I'm OKAY (now) with parking against a curb - I really didn't even like that for a long time. I would walk a mile rather than parallel park, seriously. I had to get a little used to it at my last apartment because there was only one parking space for both my roommate and I so we took turns. But I knew the curb...and I take my pretty little time and try again a few times and I always CHECK before I get out of the curb and redo it if necessary! So...of course...I didn't get NEARLY close enough to the curb for the test because I didn't want to run my car into the curb or worse yet knock over one of the barrell things. And to top it off, I didn't turn on my signal to get into the spot, or turn on my signal to get out of the spot. Who does that, except downtown? I was in a parking lot - nobody was coming! Of course I didn't think of it!
Anyway, so that didn't work out too well. And oh, did I mention I don't even like parking lots? They make me nervous.
So then we get out of the DMV parking lot and we're turning right onto Flamingo (fairly busy 6 lane street). There are two cars in front of me turning right that don't even bother yielding to the pedestrian trying to cross the street, so I was thinking, "yay for me that I yielded to the pedestrian!" I waited until she crossed sufficiently for me to turn, and then turned. She wrote in her stupid little notebook (hate that...talk about intimidating...) and proceeded to direct me immediately back into the DMV parking lot. "Okay, let's go in and talk..."
WHAT?!?! Okay....um...I hadn't even gotten past my nervous anxiety! It would have taken me a couple minutes to feel comfortable once we got out of the stupid parking lot! Did I mention I don't like parking lots!!!!
So, apparently in Nevada (elsewhere too??) when you yield to a pedestrian, you have to wait until they are halfway across the road before you can turn. That means that I had to wait for her to cross three lanes of traffic before I could turn into the nearest lane! What on earth! That is, I must say, a really stupid law. What if you are on the strip and there are 65 people crossing the stupid lane, and you don't ever get to turn because by the time the last people get halfway across, the light is red!! HELLO!
So because of that being against the law, and I would have gotten a ticket for it - BOOM! Fail!!! Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail!
There you go, little Emily...you are NOT a good enough driver to get a Nevada license! Oh, my word.
So I have another test on January 14th. Talk about a long wait. I'd hate to be 16 in this state and wanting to get my license to begin with, having to wait 2 months every time between passing...who passes their first time when they are 16?
Anyway, the point is...
I FAILED!!!
Well, yes, right. Good thing too. Otherwise I'd kinda be out of a license because
I FAILED!!! And I mean, I FAILED. Failed MISERABLY. It feels kinda great to say that actually...I don't often fail...but...
I FAILED!!!
The very first thing they had me do was parallel park. Talk about cruel! I stink at parallel parking. I'm quite aware that I stink at parallel parking. I will avoid parallel parking at all costs. I'm OKAY (now) with parking against a curb - I really didn't even like that for a long time. I would walk a mile rather than parallel park, seriously. I had to get a little used to it at my last apartment because there was only one parking space for both my roommate and I so we took turns. But I knew the curb...and I take my pretty little time and try again a few times and I always CHECK before I get out of the curb and redo it if necessary! So...of course...I didn't get NEARLY close enough to the curb for the test because I didn't want to run my car into the curb or worse yet knock over one of the barrell things. And to top it off, I didn't turn on my signal to get into the spot, or turn on my signal to get out of the spot. Who does that, except downtown? I was in a parking lot - nobody was coming! Of course I didn't think of it!
Anyway, so that didn't work out too well. And oh, did I mention I don't even like parking lots? They make me nervous.
So then we get out of the DMV parking lot and we're turning right onto Flamingo (fairly busy 6 lane street). There are two cars in front of me turning right that don't even bother yielding to the pedestrian trying to cross the street, so I was thinking, "yay for me that I yielded to the pedestrian!" I waited until she crossed sufficiently for me to turn, and then turned. She wrote in her stupid little notebook (hate that...talk about intimidating...) and proceeded to direct me immediately back into the DMV parking lot. "Okay, let's go in and talk..."
WHAT?!?! Okay....um...I hadn't even gotten past my nervous anxiety! It would have taken me a couple minutes to feel comfortable once we got out of the stupid parking lot! Did I mention I don't like parking lots!!!!
So, apparently in Nevada (elsewhere too??) when you yield to a pedestrian, you have to wait until they are halfway across the road before you can turn. That means that I had to wait for her to cross three lanes of traffic before I could turn into the nearest lane! What on earth! That is, I must say, a really stupid law. What if you are on the strip and there are 65 people crossing the stupid lane, and you don't ever get to turn because by the time the last people get halfway across, the light is red!! HELLO!
So because of that being against the law, and I would have gotten a ticket for it - BOOM! Fail!!! Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail!
There you go, little Emily...you are NOT a good enough driver to get a Nevada license! Oh, my word.
So I have another test on January 14th. Talk about a long wait. I'd hate to be 16 in this state and wanting to get my license to begin with, having to wait 2 months every time between passing...who passes their first time when they are 16?
Anyway, the point is...
I FAILED!!!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Longest day ever...
Today has officially been the longest day of my internship. I mean, hours wise it was just a normal 8 hours, but I realllly did not want to be there and so the time dragged on rather slowly. I've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights and finally last night I slept well...I crashed actually, around midnight and slept like a rock until 7 am when my stupid alarm clock jolted me out of my happy, peaceful sleep...
Ever since I've been grumpy! Usually seeing clients helps me get out of that mood, but all three of my clients today cancelled. It's so fun getting sessions ready just in time for them not to happen....(please, dear reader, note the sarcasm...)
Ah well, perhaps tonight I'll sleep even better and my alarm clock will not wake me up too early.
Ever since I've been grumpy! Usually seeing clients helps me get out of that mood, but all three of my clients today cancelled. It's so fun getting sessions ready just in time for them not to happen....(please, dear reader, note the sarcasm...)
Ah well, perhaps tonight I'll sleep even better and my alarm clock will not wake me up too early.
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