Emily Wiggins, MT-BC

On Monday I took my board certification exam for music therapists - and I passed! Let me tell you, prior to that I wasn't really worried at all. But the night before I couldn't sleep for the life of me due to anxiety, and I have never been more anxious DURING an exam in my life. Even at BYU. And I can say unequivocably that the BYU testing center is the testing center from hell. Seriously. Horrible, horrible testing conditions. Five years of lines just to get into this huge, HUGE hall of hundreds of students taking exams with people constantly coming in and out of the room, and absolute silence except for the shuffling of papers, the scraping of pencils against exams, and hands rubbing sweat off of foreheads with the occasional muffled groan or whimper from a student, or myself. The room was thick with anxiety, so even if you didn't have anxiety of your own, you could feel the energy of anxiety exuding from the air. I HATED exams at BYU. And I've always been completely terrible at multiple choice exams, which most of them were, if you were taking it at the testing center of BYU.

Sidetracked - but just to demonstrate that Mondays' was a million times worse. The night before, even though I couldn't sleep, I was at least able to listen to appropriate music that calmed me down so I wasn't bouncing off the walls. So, I'm sitting there, taking a certification exam for music therapists, knowing full well that I was very, very anxious and knowing full well that music would have helped calm me down, except ironically - not allowed. Taking a music therapy exam and I couldn't even use music on myself. Yeesh. A couple of days prior to the exam, I had taken a practice self-assessment - and had gotten 88% of the questions right; I wasn't worried at all. However, I kept coming across questions that I could narrow it down to two. There were very few questions where I was "SURE" and most of them were, well, "I think" or even "I'm pretty sure." But the more of those I got and the less "SURE" ones I got as time went on, the more nervous I got. It was all I could do not to tear out my hair. I could not hold still; I feel sorry for the poor woman in the room taking an exam with me. I must have just oozed anxiety out of my body and made the room all tense.

Anyway, it turned out I passed - thank goodness; don't think I could have gone through it again. And of course, I was really happy (and really, really, really tired). And I've been exuberant all week long. And it finally occurred to me, that I wasn't just happy for 'passing an exam' - but this is the culminating thing to all I've been working toward for years. I FINALLY have a career. Heehee. That still sounds silly to me. I always expected to be an at home mother. I started my education for the sake of education, not for a career.

Now, it's totally changed, of course. I still want to be a mother, but now is apparently not the time. But I am so very happy with my life right now, with the things that I have accomplished, and to have the opportunity to use music every day and to be a part of so many people's lives. Awesome. Can't begin to describe - especially when today I'm feeling rambly and inarticulate.

But I didn't want to put off any further the announcement that I passed my board exam, so I am now Emily Wiggins, MT-BC (music therapist-board certified).

Oh, and I finally replaced my frame for my diploma earlier this week and hung it up on Thursday. Actually, Adam hung it up on Thursday for me, during our party celebrating my passing. Yay.