On Monday I took my board certification exam for music therapists - and I passed! Let me tell you, prior to that I wasn't really worried at all. But the night before I couldn't sleep for the life of me due to anxiety, and I have never been more anxious DURING an exam in my life. Even at BYU. And I can say unequivocably that the BYU testing center is the testing center from hell. Seriously. Horrible, horrible testing conditions. Five years of lines just to get into this huge, HUGE hall of hundreds of students taking exams with people constantly coming in and out of the room, and absolute silence except for the shuffling of papers, the scraping of pencils against exams, and hands rubbing sweat off of foreheads with the occasional muffled groan or whimper from a student, or myself. The room was thick with anxiety, so even if you didn't have anxiety of your own, you could feel the energy of anxiety exuding from the air. I HATED exams at BYU. And I've always been completely terrible at multiple choice exams, which most of them were, if you were taking it at the testing center of BYU.
Sidetracked - but just to demonstrate that Mondays' was a million times worse. The night before, even though I couldn't sleep, I was at least able to listen to appropriate music that calmed me down so I wasn't bouncing off the walls. So, I'm sitting there, taking a certification exam for music therapists, knowing full well that I was very, very anxious and knowing full well that music would have helped calm me down, except ironically - not allowed. Taking a music therapy exam and I couldn't even use music on myself. Yeesh. A couple of days prior to the exam, I had taken a practice self-assessment - and had gotten 88% of the questions right; I wasn't worried at all. However, I kept coming across questions that I could narrow it down to two. There were very few questions where I was "SURE" and most of them were, well, "I think" or even "I'm pretty sure." But the more of those I got and the less "SURE" ones I got as time went on, the more nervous I got. It was all I could do not to tear out my hair. I could not hold still; I feel sorry for the poor woman in the room taking an exam with me. I must have just oozed anxiety out of my body and made the room all tense.
Anyway, it turned out I passed - thank goodness; don't think I could have gone through it again. And of course, I was really happy (and really, really, really tired). And I've been exuberant all week long. And it finally occurred to me, that I wasn't just happy for 'passing an exam' - but this is the culminating thing to all I've been working toward for years. I FINALLY have a career. Heehee. That still sounds silly to me. I always expected to be an at home mother. I started my education for the sake of education, not for a career.
Now, it's totally changed, of course. I still want to be a mother, but now is apparently not the time. But I am so very happy with my life right now, with the things that I have accomplished, and to have the opportunity to use music every day and to be a part of so many people's lives. Awesome. Can't begin to describe - especially when today I'm feeling rambly and inarticulate.
But I didn't want to put off any further the announcement that I passed my board exam, so I am now Emily Wiggins, MT-BC (music therapist-board certified).
Oh, and I finally replaced my frame for my diploma earlier this week and hung it up on Thursday. Actually, Adam hung it up on Thursday for me, during our party celebrating my passing. Yay.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Circles of Logic
waking up in the morning
before feeling fully rested
unable to return to soft spaces of slumber
as the brain clicks on
moving forward and backward and forward again
the clock ticks on
pondering life's dichotomies
twisting around in circles of logic
forgetting origins of thought born
misguided attempts to discover answers
to questions no longer defined
the clock ticks on
thoughts of import float by barely within grasp
escaping the definitive boundary of knowledge
hopes of time standing still
to reach blissful moments of solidity
shattered to pieces as
the clock ticks on
circles of logic interrupted by thoughts
stealing moments of everyday activities
endeavors to permeate subconscious efforts to define
elusive comprehension runs farther away
as mind returns to the light of dawn
the clock ticks on
circles of logic release the mind
with a little sadness and longing
knowing it will return again
reaching a little closer to answers clear
to questions that will be defined
before feeling fully rested
unable to return to soft spaces of slumber
as the brain clicks on
moving forward and backward and forward again
the clock ticks on
pondering life's dichotomies
twisting around in circles of logic
forgetting origins of thought born
misguided attempts to discover answers
to questions no longer defined
the clock ticks on
thoughts of import float by barely within grasp
escaping the definitive boundary of knowledge
hopes of time standing still
to reach blissful moments of solidity
shattered to pieces as
the clock ticks on
circles of logic interrupted by thoughts
stealing moments of everyday activities
endeavors to permeate subconscious efforts to define
elusive comprehension runs farther away
as mind returns to the light of dawn
the clock ticks on
circles of logic release the mind
with a little sadness and longing
knowing it will return again
reaching a little closer to answers clear
to questions that will be defined
Saturday, August 9, 2008
whoah...
I just realized today is August 9. In 2001 on August 9 I received my mission call to serve in the Maryland, Baltimore mission. That was seven years ago! My gosh. Crazy. Time flies. And I feel a bit old.
Life is awesome!
Every once in a while in life I get overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude. The last couple of days have been full of those feelings.
And then I have moments like today when I want to pull my hair out because I just do not know what to do with this client. But that's another subject.
I'm just realizing that my life is really great right now. I mean, I have a good job where I actually make enough money to survive and am able to actually buy gifts for my friends and family when I feel like it and am able to make a dent into my debt. I have the most awesome career that is completely fulfilling (barring moments like the pull out my hair from today, but really, that is part of the fulfillment is figuring out the puzzles and overcoming barriers of difficulty...). I mean, seriously - my career is awesome. I have sessions when I just get to stinkin' play music with adorably cute kids, what the heck? And I have sessions when I walk away thinking, "That wisdom was in me??? I really helped that guy." It certainly helps your self esteem when your client tells you that you are really great at what you do and he is feeling better each week. And I have sessions where I just think back to all the progress that client has made in the last umpteen sessions and it just amazing to watch them grow. And at the end of the week, although I can just be exhausted from so many sessions, I think about how many different kinds of clients I have, and how different each of my sessions are. And it's awesome to see that shape up into what it is. And..how many other careers allow you to constantly be learning about all different kinds of people and tastes and musical styles. Never thought I'd have a cd of metal music, but hey, when you have clients who like that and listen to nothing but it and you are trying to write a metal song together, you kinda have to know what metal sounds like....And to top it all off, I actually feel like I'm good at what I do. I admit, I can flat out tell you when I'm completely out of my element. Like the aforementioned client that makes me want to pull my hair out. I can't do it all...imagine that. Oh...and, lately I feel like the quality of my voice is actually a little better. Weird. Guess singing all the time (and around other good musicians) will do that to you.
I also have a bazillion, seriously a bazillion, good, GOOD friends. You know, the first time I had just a really good friend, I thought, man I'm blessed to have such an awesome best friend. And then they just kept coming. Looked back into a journal entry a couple of years ago where I was like, man I'm lucky I have like 4 close, close friends. Now, I'm just...man I can't even count, because my friends are just awesome. I just said "man" uncharacteristically about five times in three sentences, oh joy. But it is true, I have a lot of good friends. You know that point where you move from being "friends" and spending time with someone to a person to a deeper level where you really see the person and feel like they see you, and you can truly tell your friend you love them, and nothing in the world could make you happier than to do whatever it takes to make them happy. I love that point and recently came to that point with a friend of mine, which helps me realize how blessed I am to have that kind of relationship with SO many people. And now I have that with someone locally. I've done nothing this week pretty much except work, sleep, and hang out with Serriah. And I love it.
Our bishopric of our ward issued a challenge to read the Book of Mormon again in a set amount of time. We began on Pioneer Day (July 24) and will finish by the next session of General Conference (October 3). It works out to be about 9 pages a day, approximately 20-30 minutes of reading/studying. We each received a fresh copy and we are marking it in two colors, red for passages about the Savior and the atonment, and blue for whatever has personal meaning to us in our lives at this time. Upon completion, we give that copy of the Book of Mormon to someone special to us who does not have one. I'm very excited about it, although it is a difficult thing to do. But the reason why I bring it up in the midst of all I am saying is that it also is blessing my life. As I'm putting forth a little more effort into studying the scriptures, it strengthens me spiritually, and I feel like I have energy even when I am not sleeping much.
I'm still single and would really like to know why guys don't go for me, but hey. Life is just generally pretty darn awesome.
And then I have moments like today when I want to pull my hair out because I just do not know what to do with this client. But that's another subject.
I'm just realizing that my life is really great right now. I mean, I have a good job where I actually make enough money to survive and am able to actually buy gifts for my friends and family when I feel like it and am able to make a dent into my debt. I have the most awesome career that is completely fulfilling (barring moments like the pull out my hair from today, but really, that is part of the fulfillment is figuring out the puzzles and overcoming barriers of difficulty...). I mean, seriously - my career is awesome. I have sessions when I just get to stinkin' play music with adorably cute kids, what the heck? And I have sessions when I walk away thinking, "That wisdom was in me??? I really helped that guy." It certainly helps your self esteem when your client tells you that you are really great at what you do and he is feeling better each week. And I have sessions where I just think back to all the progress that client has made in the last umpteen sessions and it just amazing to watch them grow. And at the end of the week, although I can just be exhausted from so many sessions, I think about how many different kinds of clients I have, and how different each of my sessions are. And it's awesome to see that shape up into what it is. And..how many other careers allow you to constantly be learning about all different kinds of people and tastes and musical styles. Never thought I'd have a cd of metal music, but hey, when you have clients who like that and listen to nothing but it and you are trying to write a metal song together, you kinda have to know what metal sounds like....And to top it all off, I actually feel like I'm good at what I do. I admit, I can flat out tell you when I'm completely out of my element. Like the aforementioned client that makes me want to pull my hair out. I can't do it all...imagine that. Oh...and, lately I feel like the quality of my voice is actually a little better. Weird. Guess singing all the time (and around other good musicians) will do that to you.
I also have a bazillion, seriously a bazillion, good, GOOD friends. You know, the first time I had just a really good friend, I thought, man I'm blessed to have such an awesome best friend. And then they just kept coming. Looked back into a journal entry a couple of years ago where I was like, man I'm lucky I have like 4 close, close friends. Now, I'm just...man I can't even count, because my friends are just awesome. I just said "man" uncharacteristically about five times in three sentences, oh joy. But it is true, I have a lot of good friends. You know that point where you move from being "friends" and spending time with someone to a person to a deeper level where you really see the person and feel like they see you, and you can truly tell your friend you love them, and nothing in the world could make you happier than to do whatever it takes to make them happy. I love that point and recently came to that point with a friend of mine, which helps me realize how blessed I am to have that kind of relationship with SO many people. And now I have that with someone locally. I've done nothing this week pretty much except work, sleep, and hang out with Serriah. And I love it.
Our bishopric of our ward issued a challenge to read the Book of Mormon again in a set amount of time. We began on Pioneer Day (July 24) and will finish by the next session of General Conference (October 3). It works out to be about 9 pages a day, approximately 20-30 minutes of reading/studying. We each received a fresh copy and we are marking it in two colors, red for passages about the Savior and the atonment, and blue for whatever has personal meaning to us in our lives at this time. Upon completion, we give that copy of the Book of Mormon to someone special to us who does not have one. I'm very excited about it, although it is a difficult thing to do. But the reason why I bring it up in the midst of all I am saying is that it also is blessing my life. As I'm putting forth a little more effort into studying the scriptures, it strengthens me spiritually, and I feel like I have energy even when I am not sleeping much.
I'm still single and would really like to know why guys don't go for me, but hey. Life is just generally pretty darn awesome.
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