Talk about a blow to self esteem...

If you read my driving saga when I came to Las Vegas you will know that I have to take a driver's test in Nevada because I have three moving violations in the last five years. Well, today my appointment finally came. And I was a little nervous, but I thought, "meh...I know how to drive...." and even if I don't pass, I can retain my Oregon license....right?

Well, yes, right. Good thing too. Otherwise I'd kinda be out of a license because

I FAILED!!! And I mean, I FAILED. Failed MISERABLY. It feels kinda great to say that actually...I don't often fail...but...

I FAILED!!!

The very first thing they had me do was parallel park. Talk about cruel! I stink at parallel parking. I'm quite aware that I stink at parallel parking. I will avoid parallel parking at all costs. I'm OKAY (now) with parking against a curb - I really didn't even like that for a long time. I would walk a mile rather than parallel park, seriously. I had to get a little used to it at my last apartment because there was only one parking space for both my roommate and I so we took turns. But I knew the curb...and I take my pretty little time and try again a few times and I always CHECK before I get out of the curb and redo it if necessary! So...of course...I didn't get NEARLY close enough to the curb for the test because I didn't want to run my car into the curb or worse yet knock over one of the barrell things. And to top it off, I didn't turn on my signal to get into the spot, or turn on my signal to get out of the spot. Who does that, except downtown? I was in a parking lot - nobody was coming! Of course I didn't think of it!

Anyway, so that didn't work out too well. And oh, did I mention I don't even like parking lots? They make me nervous.

So then we get out of the DMV parking lot and we're turning right onto Flamingo (fairly busy 6 lane street). There are two cars in front of me turning right that don't even bother yielding to the pedestrian trying to cross the street, so I was thinking, "yay for me that I yielded to the pedestrian!" I waited until she crossed sufficiently for me to turn, and then turned. She wrote in her stupid little notebook (hate that...talk about intimidating...) and proceeded to direct me immediately back into the DMV parking lot. "Okay, let's go in and talk..."

WHAT?!?! Okay....um...I hadn't even gotten past my nervous anxiety! It would have taken me a couple minutes to feel comfortable once we got out of the stupid parking lot! Did I mention I don't like parking lots!!!!

So, apparently in Nevada (elsewhere too??) when you yield to a pedestrian, you have to wait until they are halfway across the road before you can turn. That means that I had to wait for her to cross three lanes of traffic before I could turn into the nearest lane! What on earth! That is, I must say, a really stupid law. What if you are on the strip and there are 65 people crossing the stupid lane, and you don't ever get to turn because by the time the last people get halfway across, the light is red!! HELLO!

So because of that being against the law, and I would have gotten a ticket for it - BOOM! Fail!!! Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail!

There you go, little Emily...you are NOT a good enough driver to get a Nevada license! Oh, my word.

So I have another test on January 14th. Talk about a long wait. I'd hate to be 16 in this state and wanting to get my license to begin with, having to wait 2 months every time between passing...who passes their first time when they are 16?

Anyway, the point is...

I FAILED!!!

Longest day ever...

Today has officially been the longest day of my internship. I mean, hours wise it was just a normal 8 hours, but I realllly did not want to be there and so the time dragged on rather slowly. I've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights and finally last night I slept well...I crashed actually, around midnight and slept like a rock until 7 am when my stupid alarm clock jolted me out of my happy, peaceful sleep...

Ever since I've been grumpy! Usually seeing clients helps me get out of that mood, but all three of my clients today cancelled. It's so fun getting sessions ready just in time for them not to happen....(please, dear reader, note the sarcasm...)

Ah well, perhaps tonight I'll sleep even better and my alarm clock will not wake me up too early.

Leftover cookies...

I just had to choose the week of conference to decide to make blondies...two out of four people at our office are at conference. So...I only got to share cookies with our office manager, Sharon, and she thought they were pretty rich so she only had 1. That leaves the rest of the 9x13 pan all for me....as good as they are, and as skinny as I am...I still shouldn't eat the whole stinking pan!!!

Productive Emily....

Yesterday I was talking with Heather and she mentioned cookies, which made me think, "Hey! I have chocolate chips...I should make blondies..."

So I promptly went to the kitchen to begin and discovered that I had no vanilla!! It had to be a Sunday that I got the craving...there is a CVS pharmacy about a 2 minute walk away, but yeah. So this morning I got some vanilla and made some. They are yummy! No way I'm going to be able to eat an entire batch of blondies on my own, though...guess my co-workers will have to help me. *grins*

Been a long time since I've baked. I was also very productive this weekend. Doesn't that just feel great?

Yesterday one of my clients refused to come into the music therapy room, despite many different efforts. We eventually got him to come in with his parents, and after some more struggling, he finally was engaged with the music. It was the first time that I had done music therapy in the presence of a clients' parents - and I found myself running through my head in each and every intervention, as well as every transitional thing I said and did - thinking about the purpose and meaning behind everything. It wasn't a huge portion of my thinking, but sort of a running commentary in the back of my mind. It is something that we should really always be doing, even without the watchful eyes of someone else.

I also, despite having someone with about 30 minutes of defiant behavior clearly not wanting to be with me, found myself remaining calm throughout the entire experience and not getting frazzled or taking things personally. I was able to stay emotionally detached in the sense that I didn't take it personally, while still being present and emotionally there for him, wanting the best for him. I thought this was huge for me! And it made me really think about nannying Jake, having him be oppositional and at times aggressive with me...remaining calm and emotionally detached (usually), but still loving him and helping him. So these experiences, because I certainly wasn't able to do that right away with him, helped prepare me for my experiences now and the ones I will have in the future...as everything in our lives.

It is truly amazing how things fit together, how everything happens for a reason in its own time and place, as well as the people we come in contact with. We don't always see why in the moment, but in retrospect, we can see different paths converging to create a wonderful and purposeful existence!

Can I just say (again) how satisfying it is to be doing music therapy? To be watching myself grow? To come home at the end of the day after 4 sessions thinking, "Wow, that was really great...next time we can do this and it will be even better and people can grow..." instead of thinking, "What the heck am I doing? Why did that happen and what am I going to do next time???"

Something I 'learned' for myself (sometimes we have to learn things repeatedly....it's not like I haven't learned this before...) is the importance of having an established relationship with your clients - how much that increases effectiveness of what you are doing. Today in my groups, I talked with each client a little bit prior to the session beginning (normally something very difficult for me) - but I feel like that made such a difference in their level of engagement with the session. It also made it so much more natural after the session to discuss how things went with the staff or with the clients' parents....which is again, something difficult for me. I'll be engaged with the music, no problem, but when it comes to actually talking (to adults...) -- it's not easy for me! But, yay! Did it today.

And one thing I really love is spontaneous moments. Some of the greatest things happened, getting the most engagement and verbal interaction from clients, came out of building on a spontaneous moment from a client. And we can't do that if we are not feeling comfortable, or if we are not trained in how. So...yay, again.

The only sad thing about today is that I took the wrong lunch container to work...I was going to have leftover spaghetti that I made last night, and instead I ended up with chicken and tater tots....still good...but it wasn't spaghetti! Love my mom's recipe....

Doot dee doo...

Only a music therapist would learn in the same week: Usher, Hannah Montana, and Bad, Bad Leroy Brown...

It feels pretty darn great to be doing music therapy all the time. This weekend was the first time I really started "missing" people - and had kinda a meltdown the other day - it was pretty insane - but as a whole; I'm really happy to be here, even though I don't know anyone outside the office yet. Some really awesome things happen! Music is just pretty darn awesome. The other day, someone walked in wanting music therapy services for their child, and they asked me what exactly music therapy can accomplish - and I forgot at first that I didn't have to give the short little blip of an answer that you answer when people are just asking out of "oh, what do you do?" kind of conversations...that this woman really cared what music therapy did and wanted to know the details.

It's just great to be doing what I really want to be doing for a job...it's the first time that my job hasn't been just a means to earn money so that I can afford to go to school to learn what I want to do...although working at the daycare and nannying were at least stepping stones in that learning process...

The point is - I might feel a little lonely - but I'm happy to be here and love going to work.