I'm going home next week!! *yay*

Talk about a blow to self esteem...

If you read my driving saga when I came to Las Vegas you will know that I have to take a driver's test in Nevada because I have three moving violations in the last five years. Well, today my appointment finally came. And I was a little nervous, but I thought, "meh...I know how to drive...." and even if I don't pass, I can retain my Oregon license....right?

Well, yes, right. Good thing too. Otherwise I'd kinda be out of a license because

I FAILED!!! And I mean, I FAILED. Failed MISERABLY. It feels kinda great to say that actually...I don't often fail...but...

I FAILED!!!

The very first thing they had me do was parallel park. Talk about cruel! I stink at parallel parking. I'm quite aware that I stink at parallel parking. I will avoid parallel parking at all costs. I'm OKAY (now) with parking against a curb - I really didn't even like that for a long time. I would walk a mile rather than parallel park, seriously. I had to get a little used to it at my last apartment because there was only one parking space for both my roommate and I so we took turns. But I knew the curb...and I take my pretty little time and try again a few times and I always CHECK before I get out of the curb and redo it if necessary! So...of course...I didn't get NEARLY close enough to the curb for the test because I didn't want to run my car into the curb or worse yet knock over one of the barrell things. And to top it off, I didn't turn on my signal to get into the spot, or turn on my signal to get out of the spot. Who does that, except downtown? I was in a parking lot - nobody was coming! Of course I didn't think of it!

Anyway, so that didn't work out too well. And oh, did I mention I don't even like parking lots? They make me nervous.

So then we get out of the DMV parking lot and we're turning right onto Flamingo (fairly busy 6 lane street). There are two cars in front of me turning right that don't even bother yielding to the pedestrian trying to cross the street, so I was thinking, "yay for me that I yielded to the pedestrian!" I waited until she crossed sufficiently for me to turn, and then turned. She wrote in her stupid little notebook (hate that...talk about intimidating...) and proceeded to direct me immediately back into the DMV parking lot. "Okay, let's go in and talk..."

WHAT?!?! Okay....um...I hadn't even gotten past my nervous anxiety! It would have taken me a couple minutes to feel comfortable once we got out of the stupid parking lot! Did I mention I don't like parking lots!!!!

So, apparently in Nevada (elsewhere too??) when you yield to a pedestrian, you have to wait until they are halfway across the road before you can turn. That means that I had to wait for her to cross three lanes of traffic before I could turn into the nearest lane! What on earth! That is, I must say, a really stupid law. What if you are on the strip and there are 65 people crossing the stupid lane, and you don't ever get to turn because by the time the last people get halfway across, the light is red!! HELLO!

So because of that being against the law, and I would have gotten a ticket for it - BOOM! Fail!!! Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail!

There you go, little Emily...you are NOT a good enough driver to get a Nevada license! Oh, my word.

So I have another test on January 14th. Talk about a long wait. I'd hate to be 16 in this state and wanting to get my license to begin with, having to wait 2 months every time between passing...who passes their first time when they are 16?

Anyway, the point is...

I FAILED!!!

Longest day ever...

Today has officially been the longest day of my internship. I mean, hours wise it was just a normal 8 hours, but I realllly did not want to be there and so the time dragged on rather slowly. I've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights and finally last night I slept well...I crashed actually, around midnight and slept like a rock until 7 am when my stupid alarm clock jolted me out of my happy, peaceful sleep...

Ever since I've been grumpy! Usually seeing clients helps me get out of that mood, but all three of my clients today cancelled. It's so fun getting sessions ready just in time for them not to happen....(please, dear reader, note the sarcasm...)

Ah well, perhaps tonight I'll sleep even better and my alarm clock will not wake me up too early.

Leftover cookies...

I just had to choose the week of conference to decide to make blondies...two out of four people at our office are at conference. So...I only got to share cookies with our office manager, Sharon, and she thought they were pretty rich so she only had 1. That leaves the rest of the 9x13 pan all for me....as good as they are, and as skinny as I am...I still shouldn't eat the whole stinking pan!!!

Productive Emily....

Yesterday I was talking with Heather and she mentioned cookies, which made me think, "Hey! I have chocolate chips...I should make blondies..."

So I promptly went to the kitchen to begin and discovered that I had no vanilla!! It had to be a Sunday that I got the craving...there is a CVS pharmacy about a 2 minute walk away, but yeah. So this morning I got some vanilla and made some. They are yummy! No way I'm going to be able to eat an entire batch of blondies on my own, though...guess my co-workers will have to help me. *grins*

Been a long time since I've baked. I was also very productive this weekend. Doesn't that just feel great?

Yesterday one of my clients refused to come into the music therapy room, despite many different efforts. We eventually got him to come in with his parents, and after some more struggling, he finally was engaged with the music. It was the first time that I had done music therapy in the presence of a clients' parents - and I found myself running through my head in each and every intervention, as well as every transitional thing I said and did - thinking about the purpose and meaning behind everything. It wasn't a huge portion of my thinking, but sort of a running commentary in the back of my mind. It is something that we should really always be doing, even without the watchful eyes of someone else.

I also, despite having someone with about 30 minutes of defiant behavior clearly not wanting to be with me, found myself remaining calm throughout the entire experience and not getting frazzled or taking things personally. I was able to stay emotionally detached in the sense that I didn't take it personally, while still being present and emotionally there for him, wanting the best for him. I thought this was huge for me! And it made me really think about nannying Jake, having him be oppositional and at times aggressive with me...remaining calm and emotionally detached (usually), but still loving him and helping him. So these experiences, because I certainly wasn't able to do that right away with him, helped prepare me for my experiences now and the ones I will have in the future...as everything in our lives.

It is truly amazing how things fit together, how everything happens for a reason in its own time and place, as well as the people we come in contact with. We don't always see why in the moment, but in retrospect, we can see different paths converging to create a wonderful and purposeful existence!

Can I just say (again) how satisfying it is to be doing music therapy? To be watching myself grow? To come home at the end of the day after 4 sessions thinking, "Wow, that was really great...next time we can do this and it will be even better and people can grow..." instead of thinking, "What the heck am I doing? Why did that happen and what am I going to do next time???"

Something I 'learned' for myself (sometimes we have to learn things repeatedly....it's not like I haven't learned this before...) is the importance of having an established relationship with your clients - how much that increases effectiveness of what you are doing. Today in my groups, I talked with each client a little bit prior to the session beginning (normally something very difficult for me) - but I feel like that made such a difference in their level of engagement with the session. It also made it so much more natural after the session to discuss how things went with the staff or with the clients' parents....which is again, something difficult for me. I'll be engaged with the music, no problem, but when it comes to actually talking (to adults...) -- it's not easy for me! But, yay! Did it today.

And one thing I really love is spontaneous moments. Some of the greatest things happened, getting the most engagement and verbal interaction from clients, came out of building on a spontaneous moment from a client. And we can't do that if we are not feeling comfortable, or if we are not trained in how. So...yay, again.

The only sad thing about today is that I took the wrong lunch container to work...I was going to have leftover spaghetti that I made last night, and instead I ended up with chicken and tater tots....still good...but it wasn't spaghetti! Love my mom's recipe....

Doot dee doo...

Only a music therapist would learn in the same week: Usher, Hannah Montana, and Bad, Bad Leroy Brown...

It feels pretty darn great to be doing music therapy all the time. This weekend was the first time I really started "missing" people - and had kinda a meltdown the other day - it was pretty insane - but as a whole; I'm really happy to be here, even though I don't know anyone outside the office yet. Some really awesome things happen! Music is just pretty darn awesome. The other day, someone walked in wanting music therapy services for their child, and they asked me what exactly music therapy can accomplish - and I forgot at first that I didn't have to give the short little blip of an answer that you answer when people are just asking out of "oh, what do you do?" kind of conversations...that this woman really cared what music therapy did and wanted to know the details.

It's just great to be doing what I really want to be doing for a job...it's the first time that my job hasn't been just a means to earn money so that I can afford to go to school to learn what I want to do...although working at the daycare and nannying were at least stepping stones in that learning process...

The point is - I might feel a little lonely - but I'm happy to be here and love going to work.

I HAVE A BED!!!

So I've been sleeping on my couch this whole time, and gosh darn it, it was getting a little annoying. The other day I was watching some television show and someone got into a warm bed at the end of a hard day's work and I was just thinking, "awwwwww....I want a bed!" as I was laying there on the sofa getting ready to go to sleep.

Last night I went out shopping and was just looking around to buy just a mattress for the floor...and was feeling very discouraged by the prices! I had tried thrift stores but those mattresses were just a little too disgusting for me. I'm accustomed to having hand-me-down beds - I've never had a new bed before - but where you don't know where it came from? Eugh...which is sort of why I shied away from doing the craigslist thing, too, because...well, it's a bed and this is Las Vegas....who knows...

ANYWAY, like I said, I was feeling very discouraged by the prices until one store - *sings* dum duh dee dum!! - there was this big closeout sale and I got a pretty darn good bed for a really darn good price. Wasn't intending on spending that much yesterday, because let's face it, who has money as an intern? But hey...I've never had a new bed before..it's kinda cool...

Well, it gets delivered tomorrow, so we'll see how cool it really is!

Of course, that means that tonight I get to finish unpacking my boxes that I've just had randomly thrown around my bedroom because I wasn't really needing it...WOOHOO! What a wonderful Halloween activity...cleaning...

Can you tell that I've just had two Halloween cupcakes? WHOO! Sugar high...

There's a first for everything...

Today I led my first music therapy sessions with no supervisor in the room. I had three groups - a total of 22 individuals - all requiring individual documentation. Oy! Talk about keeping a lot of information in your head. I was so pleased, though, that I got through them fairly effectively! I must say, half of my first group (at an adult day center) wandered off after a few minutes...so they brought me more to fill in the room, and from thereon out my clients stayed. :) I am so accustomed to having another therapist to work with that I certainly learned a lot about giving individual attention whilst maintaining attention of the whole group! I'm looking forward to working more with these clients.

But the point is...whoohoo! I did it.

Power outage in Las Vegas?

Saturday evening I was doing a jigsaw puzzle when suddenly my power went out. It was kinda cool, because the puzzle was glow-in-the-dark. It only lasted about ten seconds and then it came back on. A few minutes later, it did it again. After a while, I was watching tv (trying to watch Pretty Woman, which was on), and intermittently, the power kept going out - just for a few seconds. I think it did this about twenty times. Finally once, (about 15 minutes before the end of the movie, mind you) it decided to stay off, probably for about 45 minutes. Let me tell you, I was bored out of my mind! Because guess what? I have a candle...but no matches or anything...and no flashlight, so I was kinda sitting there in the dark twiddling my thumbs. I could have gone outside, I suppose, but I was in my pajamas and it's probably not the best idea to just loiter outside in the evening in Las Vegas, particularly when there are no lights around for a while!

Now I know I need a flashlight and matches for my apartment...although now that I think of it, I do have a flashlight in the trunk of my car, so I could have gotten that, I suppose. Ah well. It was a fun adventure doing nothing on the couch...except trying to call people - nobody seemed to be available at the time!

First week done!

I've now officially completed my first week of internship...and I feel really good about it! There are some things in life you just know are what you are supposed to do, and coming out here was one of them. This week I've begun to learn why it was the right thing to come out here. I'm feeling comfortable in the center and am looking forward to working with the clients here!

Random thought...I do not have a bed, and I've been sleeping on my couch, which is comfortable enough...but I've realized that I need a bed not just for comfort but for schedule's sake! I need to have that separateness of, here I'm in the living room doing things, and now I'm in my bed and ready to go to sleep. I don't feel like I've actually slept (although, I'm getting sufficient sleep 'hours' wise) - but just feel like I've been napping every night. It's starting to get a little wearisome. I need a bed! My concern has been financial, of course, and then it occurred to me the other day, that I really need, at least to begin with, is a mattress. So...that's one thing I need to do very soon!

So...yeah. I'm here, doing well. Happy to be here. Ta-ta!

Behind the Scenes of Music Therapy

In our studies we learn about theories of music therapy, implementation of music therapy interviews, documentation of sessions, and we get an idea of the bigger picture of therapy. I'm learning rather quickly (although I vaguely knew it before) that there is a LOT that goes into each session! Here, with a private practice setting...just the client intake alone requires gadzillions of forms - and there is just so much administrative stuff that goes along with the actual implementation of music therapy! Part of my internship hours are allocated toward learning administrative duties like this, which I don't know if that is a common practice in internship, but I think it is pretty darn cool.

And we thought we had a lot of paperwork for practicum seminar....HA!

Part of what turned me off of the Nordoff-Robbins internship opportunity in New York was the idea that there was only one model of music therapy learned throughout the entire internship period. Here at CCTA a variety of models are used depending on the client's needs and strengths. I am thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to observe these this week and am looking forward to gaining that variety as I work these next few months.

Another random and somewhat related thought is that we bring so much of our personal experiences into the therapeutic setting. Part of being a therapist is being a person - and the things that we have learned in our relationships and such are really important in establishing an effective therapeutic relationship. I have met a few clients this week, some of which Judith intends for me to transition to. One absolutely adores me for some reason, so I'm very excited to be able to use that strength in our work. Another, though, is exceptionally shy and absolutely did not want me in the same room at all. Judith doesn't think that she will be able to transition to me. I understand this principle, and certainly want whatever is best for the client...but I also hope that in the future something can work out. I was that exceptionally shy girl myself growing up, and those personal insights could potentially really help toward knowing what to do and how to be..

Well, a lot of disjointed and incomplete thoughts in today's post...but there you go.

Past Mistakes Come to Bite you in the Butt...

Many teenagers experience getting their driver license at age 16 and inevitably, they ignore speed limit laws and speed. It is just a fact of life...there is some kind of rebellious streak embedded into a teenagers' brainpower that causes them to completely ignore proper driving laws and etiquette during their first couple years of driving.

Personally, I never was rebellious about anything as a teenager...so I didn't experience this urge to speed.

Well, okay, so I didn't experience an urge to DRIVE as a teenager since I did not get my license until I was 23. But that is besides the point...(I really wasn't rebellious as a teenager! Ask my mom! Well, once I yelled at my dad, but then about five seconds later sat down on the steps and balled because I felt bad about it...)

So I DID experience the urge to speed and went through that 'reckless rebellious teenage driving speed' stage when I was 25. I got three speeding tickets within about a 6 month period...ironically in three different states (Washington, Oregon, and Maryland). Mostly it was on trips. At the time of my last speeding ticket in Oregon I told myself to stop speeding and I did. A month later I received a restriction on my license (ha - after I'd learned my lesson) and suffered those consequences.

Yes, indeedy, they were very annoying consequences at that...for two months I couldn't drive between the hours of 2 and 6 am unless going to and from work. Gee. That was tough. Party animal me could not stay out all hours of the night...(ha)

Anyway, since then I have refrained (mostly) from speeding and am a good little driver girl. Then I come to Nevada to transfer my license...

Well, guess what? A tidbit of information for all of you folks out there who may move to Nevada someday...if you have three or more moving violations within the last four years of moving here, you are required to take a written and a driving test in Nevada. At first, I thought, no big deal...I know how to drive, it should be a cinch to pass. And then I was informed that I could not schedule a driver test until I had passed the written test, and the wait time around here is about two months, and that I would have to surrender my Oregon driver license at the time of completing my written test and would be given a Nevada driver permit. Um. WHAT??!??!?!?!

I completely freaked out. It was rather embarrassing...there I was balling my head off in front of some random (might I add cute) guy because I had no idea what I was going to do. I kinda, uh, need my car for my internship? I can't just not have a license for two months.

Well, it turns out that he was wrong, I did not have to surrender my Oregon driver license because I did not get a Nevada driver permit - I just took the written test, and they have it on record and now I need to go take the driver test on November 28. Whoohoo.

Oh, guess what? I passed the written test. Surprise, surprise.

From the coast to the desert

It was a typical autumn week in Portland, Oregon as I prepared to move away to Las Vegas. I had lived in other places before for school and a mission, and had essentially been 'out of my parents' house' since high school graduation, but this move was different. No longer was I a student or a missionary. No longer was I trying to decide what to do with my life. I had decided - I was going to be a music therapist. I am going to be a music therapist, and now I'm heading on my way to do that. Reflecting on these things as I was doing my last minute packing, saying my last minute goodbyes, and taking care of necessary business to move to a different state, I realized that now I am really on my own.

The day before I left I went boating with Celestuary, Michael Hagmeier's band that I was in since its' conception. It was raining on and off and it was a bit chilly, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! I love water, and there I was, floating down the Columbia, feeling the rain on my face and watching all the trees go by...knowing that I was soon to move to the desert and far, far away from any coastal line that I am so accustomed to living near.

On the day of the move, my brother and I loaded a 14' U-Haul (didn't quite need one that big...), and attached the auto-transport to tow my car on the long drive to Nevada. Our plan was to go to Utah for the weekend for the semi-annual conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Unfortunately...trucks do not drive as quickly as cars do. And even when the posted speed limit is 75 in parts of Idaho, we were still stuck driving much slower than that. If we were to drive all the way to Provo where we were staying with my great Aunt, we would have arrived at 3 am. So we made an unplanned stop in Twin Falls, Idaho and found the cheapest hotel possible to sleep for the night. As a result we missed Saturday's conference sessions, but it was a good alternative to driving through the night as weary people.

Due to a mixup with my Stake President in Portland, we only had one ticket to conference for Sunday morning. I let Benjamin go in the conference center since he had not had the opportunity before as I had. I watched from the Tabernacle, which worked out nicely as I sat by a television broadcasting with closed captioning, which was next to a television broadcasting an ASL interpreter. Not that I need an ASL interpreter, but it was still fun to watch and refresh a little on understanding the language. Ben joined me in the Tabernacle for the Sunday afternoon session to watch the interpreter as he is to go on an ASL mission for the Church in a couple of months.

While in Utah, I had the opportunity to visit with some extended family. My Grandma's sister, Shirley, lives in Provo with her children and grandchildren. I had lived with Aunt Shirley the first summer I was at BYU, so it was good to see her, although it was weird to not have Uncle Ralph there. Shirley is about to turn 91, is limited to moving around with a walker, and her memory is going. It was really weird to have her ask me the same questions over and over - I think I explained about six times that we were passing through on my way to move to Las Vegas. As Shirley, like her sister Phyllis was, are very intelligent people with normally sharp memories, it was a little unsettling for me. But it was still good to see her and I'm glad she has a lot of family around to help her and allow her to still live at her home.

We arrived in Las Vegas on Monday evening, and managed to get everything inside my apartment before the night was out. This week Ben stayed with me to help me get settled - which was much appreciated! Everything but my bedroom is put together, complete with pictures on the wall. I even painted the bathroom, just because I could. It is a light blue with a rubber ducky theme. My bathroom doesn't even have any cupboards (excepting the old-style mirror cupboard above the sink) - it's just the toilet, sink, and shower/tub. It's very weird. But...it's my apartment! It is a very cool feeling.

While Ben was here he wanted to go see a show so we saw Wayne Brady last night. That was pretty darn funny! Other than that and M&M world the day before, we avoided downtown Las Vegas! It really isn't difficult to stay away from the Las Vegas 'hype' part of town. I like where I live, it's near the agency, and every store imaginable is nearby.

My internship begins on Monday and I am very excited to start that. It will be orientation and observation for the first two weeks, which is extremely helpful for my sanity during this transition. I can't believe I live in the desert and I still have to use a/c during October and that the only trees in existence here are the occasional palm tree...but I am here. Life is official. I'm really on my own. Whee.